ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
