you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
