I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
