Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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