Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
