guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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