Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
