I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
