Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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