Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
