If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
