an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
