So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Couch. On fire.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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