I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize