how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
