I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
