I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
