ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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