Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
