i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
