arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So gin and wine won't be happening again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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