if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
only you would photoshop your dick
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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