what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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