Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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