i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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