I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize