a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
