omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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