I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
