i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
