Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
