she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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