today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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