I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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