im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
