he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
