he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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