First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
