I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
