Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
