A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
