I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
