Already got asked if we're dating
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
