Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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