She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize