So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
