I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
