I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
