I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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