I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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