I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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