I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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