So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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