dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize