My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
