Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
