i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
