Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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