dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
