May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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