I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
