I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
