I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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