i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize