Where did you get a picture of my penis
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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