Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
