shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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